


-A Disc-

by DoctorDalek



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Dragon Ball
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4138710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorDalek/pseuds/DoctorDalek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three Saiyans are off to rid a plant of its inhabitants, hoping that a large profit may be made.<br/>Though there are more twists and knots of fate waiting for them than they could possibly imagine...<br/>A Terry-Pratchett-esque Story, allowing the Discworld to collide with the Sayian universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first try on something pratchett-esque.  
> I hope you enjoy it (and I really hope I'm not dragging the name of Sir Terry Pratchett* in the mud thereby)  
> Have fun with it!  
> * mayhereastinpeace

‘A disc?”  
‘Who’d want to buy a disc?’

Three Saiyans were hovering in mid-air, beneath them a thing that looked like a beautiful explosion of colours and landscapes of all kind before being neatly flattened between several tomes.  
Two Saiyans had their hands akimbo as the third one seemed to struggle for an explanation.

“Raditz, when you told us that you had discovered a planet with underdeveloped inhabitants that we could easily conquer I wasn’t expecting something like this,” said one of them accusingly.

‘Well, it _looked_ like a planet from above, so I thought...’  
The one called Raditz stared at his feet in embarrassment, nearly visibly shrinking under Vegeta’s scrutinizing glare.

Vegeta massaged his temples with strained fingers, a vein throbbing on his forehead. He was stared at by Nappa who then continued to glare at Raditz instead.

‘...I thought... Well you can’t blame me for not knowing that this planet hasn’t any sides, can you? How could I know that a damn flat planet exists?’  
‘You mean besides us helping it to be flattened’ added Nappa, trying to lighten the mood, ‘Right, Vegeta?’

Vegeta let out a long drawn-out sigh that sent a chill down the other two Saiyan’s spines.  
After a brief moment of silence he said,  
‘Right. Let’s get it over with’,  
thereby terminating the conversation and silently ordering them to get out of his sight as fast as possible.

He’d catch up with them sooner or later, nevertheless.

***

Imagine a disc.  
Not just any disc of course; it has to be made of solid rock, as big as a planet, round on the edges, which only adds to its Frisbee-like appearance, with water constantly spilling over the border and disappearing in the deepest depths of space.  
Imagine a disc with a million colours; a million colours when just one is special as it holds it together; just one colour on which a complex ecological system, including a very peculiar civilisation with its even more peculiar members, depends;

A greenish-purple that fuses and forms the thin disc, making it what it is:

A world.

And home of Ankh Morpork, Lancre, the Unseen University, and a tavern, currently known as  
‘The Recently-and-if-you-break-it-again-I-swear-you’re-gonna-lose-more-than-one-limb Renewed Drum’.

And, of course, Granny Weatherwax.

***

‘Finally.’  
Vegeta spotted two dots racing towards him as he poised over a giant snow covered mountain.  
The two dots, increasing size while nearing him, rushed to a halt on either sides of him.

‘What kept you so long?’

‘Oh, you know Raditz’ said Nappa, grinning bemusedly ‘He’s a real lady, isn’t he. With his long hair and his low power level and his interest in nature... he’s always enjoying the view.’  
‘All I said was: Haven’t seen body fluids this colour in a long time.’  
‘And he couldn’t take his eyes off the scenery’ Nappa went on.  
‘Well it was the _scenery_ that was covered in it.’

‘You killed someone without my permission?’ snapped Vegeta, silencing his bickering comrades.

‘First of all, we flew into something on the way here’ explained Raditz ‘and therefore secondly, probably.’  
‘But not on purpose’ added Nappa hastily as he felt Vegeta’s glare upon him.

Vegeta smiled,  
‘Flew into one of these things myself.’  
The other two Saiyans were visibly relieved, exchanging glances.

‘Nasty little buggers they were’ added Nappa ‘Threatened to eat us.’  
‘Yeah, like we’d get eaten by a giant bluish white fur ball with a power level of 50’ laughed Raditz ‘And if they’re the biggest threat on this planet...”

‘And they taste disgusting.’

Vegeta felt the stares upon his neck and faced his comrades, cocking an eyebrow at them.  
‘An eye for an eye, an incisor for a saber-tooth or whatever they say. It threatened to eat me, so...’  
Raditz pulled a wry face towards Nappa, but was back to normal as Vegeta narrowed his eyes on him.

‘So’ Vegeta went on in order to lift the spirits ‘Since there seems to be no creature on this disc that appears to be a threat to us I’d suggest that we might as well enjoy ourselves before we rid it of its current inhabitants. Therefore we should probably split up.’

‘As you wish’ added Nappa.  
‘...to give Raditz the chance to enjoy the scenery before we cover it in blood’ Vegeta went on with a smile on his lips.

Raditz disappeared with a peevish grunt.

‘He doesn’t take insults as easily as he used to’ sighed Nappa, as his scouter told him that his power level was rising due to his anger.

‘Maybe you should stop making fun of his hair only because you’re bald.’ spat Vegeta.  
‘And why, pray tell, are you allowed to piss him off by calling him a woman?’ asked Nappa.

‘Because I have a reason for it” explained Vegeta, folding his arms in front of his chest.

‘So have I’ protested Nappa.  
Vegeta shook his head.

‘You see Nappa, I don’t deride Raditz because of his looks. But with us three as the only Saiyans left he is the one with the lowest power level. Therefore he is not only the weakest one of us, technically I’d say: he _is_ the weaker sex by default.’


	2. Chapter 2

***

Granny Weatherwax was moving her rocking chair out into the fresh air.   
Her cold bones were longing for the warm sun, she felt that she needed to shake off the winter’s coldness inside of her and had therefore decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in front of her cottage on her favourite chair.

Though she wasn’t too impressed by the view.   
Her garden was ranked with weeds nowadays and she hadn’t found the time to do anything against it. Except shouting.

And now she couldn’t decide if she wanted to sit in the sun with closed eyes to keep her from constantly staring at the mess her garden had become or turn around with the sun warming her back but being forced to stare at what amazing things the woodworms had been doing with her backdoor.

Either way she was getting pretty unnerved as she sat there beside her rocking chair, unwilling to face either of the directions.

And the young man standing in what used to be her beet field* wasn’t much of a help, either.

‘May I help you?” she asked with a tone of voice that implied that if even if you were mortally wounded you better try your luck elsewhere.   
‘Actually, you could help me’ said Vegeta as he approached the old lady ‘You could just drop dead instead of sitting there. Would save me a lot of time and trouble.’

Granny rose slowly, as majestically as a penguin after an oil spill on a shore but as ominous as a thunderstorm.  
‘What?’

‘I said’ said Vegeta ‘You’re going to die.’

Granny Weatherwax blinked and then turned around to scan her surroundings.  
Then she looked back at Vegeta, blankly.   
‘No, I’m not.’

‘I’m afraid so’ replied Vegeta, cracking his knuckles.   
‘Don’t be a daft boy’ replied Granny sharply. As in her experience threats only happened to other people, she wasn’t even sure if she’d recognise one if she ever saw it.   
‘Anyway, I know when Death is bound to appear and I don’t see him anyway near me.’

‘I _am_ Death, madam’ snapped Vegeta and reached for her neck.  
To his surprise the old woman had managed to stop his hand in mid air and gripped his wrist firmly.

‘That would be _Mistress_ Weatherwax, if you don’t mind’ snorted Nanny ‘And you don’t frighten me. You’re not Death. You’re a young man, though apparently not very well behaved. I better have a talk with your mother. You’re one of Betha Grillock’s children, aren’t you? No? Blimey, you look like one of them little buggers.’

‘My mother is dead’ replied Vegeta, still surprised at his hurting wrist.   
‘That’s no excuse for not teaching you good manners’ Granny disagreed ‘and it’s no excuse for your behaviour, either. ’

Vegeta stared at her furiously. His scouter couldn’t detect anything on her. Her power level was average – no. It wasn’t even average. It was around 3. 3!  
The bushes around her had at least 5!   
And still she had managed to block his attack.  
As if she knew what he was going to do...

‘Grillock or not, that’s no way to treat an old and defenceless lady. Now make yourself useful and help me move that chair’ suggested Granny as she slowly turned around and walked back towards her cottage.

Vegeta stared at her dumfounded. He’s never been ignored.  
And he wasn’t going to start getting used to it.

He concentrated and built up his power before firing a small sizzling ball at Granny Weatherwax.  
The old lady didn’t even turn around as if she hadn’t heard the frizzling sounds behind her. But as the condensed energy was about to reach her neck her hand lashed out.  
She performed a quick movement as if shooing away an animal - and the ball bounced off her hand and into some near bushes.

Vegeta growled, ignoring the melting leaves and the arising putrid stench, his eyes fixed on Granny.

‘You’re gonna die!” he screamed after her, though realization dawned that this may fall on deaf ears.

Granny nodded glumly ‘We’re all going to die. Sooner or later.’

‘Oh no, you’re gonna die, right here, right now!”  
‘Meh, don’t think so’ cackled Granny ‘Death hasn’t come yet.’  
‘Then he’s going to be late!’ roared Vegeta.

Granny shook her head firmly.   
‘Death is never late’ said Granny firmly with utter conviction. Her belief was so solid you could have sliced it.  
She not only spoke the truth; her words became a law of nature.  
And Vegeta was furious to see that there seemed to exist other ways of power than he knew...

‘You better start counting your blessings right now’ snapped Vegeta as he slowly rose into the air ‘Because I’m going to take this Disc apart.’  
‘Then I might as well move the chair rimwards’ mumbled Granny while she considered this ‘And may I ask are you going to start with Cori Celesti or the sides?’  
Vegeta snarled under his breath.

‘Insolent old hag!” he yelled at Granny who had dragged the rocking chair into her former flowerbed ‘Do you know even know who you’re talking to?’

‘Can’t say I do’ mumbled Granny and sighed after sitting down ‘You didn’t say your name. That’s bad manners for you, it is.’

Vegeta let out a cry of rage.

‘I am Prince Vegeta, ruler of all Saiyans...’ who were, as it dawned on Vegeta, only two and unfortunately those two weren’t what you may have called the pride of creation.   
‘...and I’m gonna rid this pla....plain Disc of its underdeveloped inhabitants!’

‘A prince, eh? Never was a monarchist myself; but you know my old friend Gytha, well of course you don’t _know_ her, but she’s one of them who’d really fancy to meet a real prince. So why don’t you try to be a nice boy and pay her a visit before you shatter the Disc so she has something nice to remember in her dotage?”

Vegeta had disappeared with a scream that had not only woken Granny’s goats from their cosy sleep but shattered some of the old shingles of her cottage as well.

Eventually Granny arose from her seat and went over to the small and crooked stable to cast a quick glance at her goats; a calm square pupil met hers, giving her the usual look of mild disinterest.

‘Someday someone has to teach him manners, mind you’ said Granny Weatherwax as she stroked the goat’s greasy fur.

And sadly, Vegeta had just learned a lesson.  
It’s not a threat to mankind that should make you worry.  
It’s a threat to an old lady and a goat that should make you bolt.

***

* * *

 

*Actually it wasn’t bigger than four square metres. But anything larger than twenty square inch without any kind of tree or bush sprouting like mad inside of it could qualify as ‘field’ around here.


End file.
